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Who's PUNCH LINE Is It Anyway?
Wednesday 08-20-2008 12:24pm CT
Not too long back, my 10 year old daughter Janelle was attempting to teach my 4-year-old son Sean the finer points of humor. The proper delivery is a must. But, then again, so is cooperation. Here's the conversation:
Janelle: Sean, why did the chicken cross the road?
Sean: What chicken?
Janelle: No Sean, you say, "I don't know."
Sean: OK.
Janelle: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sean: What chicken?
Janelle: (frustrated-then looks at me) Dad, I give up!!!
Sean: To get to the other side?
I haven't laughed that hard at a "failed" joke in a LOOONG time! It's all about timing, isn't it?
Feelin' That Stress, Are Ya?
Tuesday 08-19-2008 9:46am CT
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE TOO STRESSED OUT - You've announced you're going to attack our Georgia.
- You're chewing someone else's nails.
- You just chased the neighbor's cat up a tree.
- Those inspiring words from the Dalai Lama really tick you off.
- You just spent five minutes having an argument with a toaster.
MAC'S MONDAY MUSINGS
Monday 08-18-2008 6:40am CT
. THIS WEEK IS National Friendship Week -- The type of friends you prefer reveals a lot about your personality, says psychologist Dr. Elayne Kahn, co-author of "1001 Ways You Reveal Your Personality." - Just one close friend -- You need someone to confide in and trust. You don't trust people very easily, but once you do you're very loyal. You take friendship very seriously and never take your friends for granted.
- Friends of your own sex only -- You enjoy tradition and believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls. You're more comfortable when people are in more traditional roles. You enjoy friends who have something in common with you.
- Friends of the opposite sex only -- You enjoy being the center of attention, but don't like competing for it. Intimacy is very important to you, and you're capable of deep relationships.
- Friends you just party with -- You love to socialize, but don't like people getting too close. You're very independent and want to stay that way - and you especially don't like to become dependent on one person.
- Friends from the workplace -- You love achieving, working hard, making money and always moving ahead. All things in your life - including friendships - are geared toward making your career as successful as possible.
- Different friends for different occasions -- If, for example, you go dancing with one group of friends and play touch football with another, you're well-organized, but don't like to become too involved with people. You're a busy, active person.
BIRTHDAYS TODAY!
1. Malcolm-Jamal Warner from the old Cosby show turns 38 today. If you haven't seen him lately, Theo is now Thicko! 2. Christian Slater's 39th birthday. If you're looking for a gift, you might try to find something down at "Comebacks R Us." 3. Denis Leary is 51 today. If you come up to him on the street and wish him Happy Birthday, don't expect a "why thank you very much, that is so kind of you" response! 4. Patrick Swayze celebrates #54 today. You go guy! By the way, he still looks great in that photo in our celebrity photo gallery. How Would You Like That?
Thursday 08-14-2008 12:33pm CT
Barry (last name withheld because of embarrasment) was in an area Starbucks recently and confessed he spotted a very attractive lady across the room. As he moved nonchalantly a little closer in her direction he read the message printed on the front of her pink T-shirt:
"Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some Things Are Just Better Rich." Oh well, Barry. Better luck next time. Nice recovery to keep moving toward the cream and sugar table, though!
Got a real life story to share...(I'll even change your name if you like)
Email me at VarietyDJ@Yahoo.com.
Bird Poop FACIAL? Are you KIDDING Me?
Wednesday 08-13-2008 1:34pm CT
I had a spontaneous bird facial incident happen on a recent bicycle outing this past weekend. It was not relaxing...and certainly not worth the $200 price tag that goes with this particular treatment at a New York City day spa. They do not use your average run-of-the-mill pigeon poop, however. At Shizuka New York, they prefer to mix in dried nightgale poop with rice bran, then apply it to the face.
Hey, as long as you pass on any offers on breakfast cereal while you visit, I guess its fine. Some patrons are actually pleased with the results of the treatment for diminishing wrinkles. For me personally, I wouldn't even get close enought to see them!
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© 2008